Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
