Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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