First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
