New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
