wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
