we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
