did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
