its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
