I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
its liver damage thursday
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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