matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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