Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
