TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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