So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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