Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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