Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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