I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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