this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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