I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
