she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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