Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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