my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
