I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
