TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
