My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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