I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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