wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
