Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
