i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
