I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
as a side note pls kill me
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
