hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Randomize
