I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
