if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
