youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
