I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
