Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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