ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
