nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
