my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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