My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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