Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So here I am, sexting at work.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
