I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
