So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
