He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
