I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
