Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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