the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
