Welp...herpes.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
