you have to choose: penises or morals?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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