i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
