I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
