you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
