apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
