How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am one with the molecules
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
