I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
