I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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