I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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