Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
