Can i not drive my cunt home
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
